


Life With You

by helsinkibaby



Category: 21 Jump Street (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Het, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, Small Fandom Big Bang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-22 23:10:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3747076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helsinkibaby/pseuds/helsinkibaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't know where I'd be without you here with me.<br/>Life with you makes perfect sense.<br/>You're my best friend."</p><p>Or, what happens if Doug and Judy hadn't agreed to stay friends in Besieged.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Impressions

 "He's a jerk!"

Judy crosses her arms over her chest and glares across the table at Jenko. Her captain doesn't look very concerned at her ire, however; he doesn't move his feet from their position on his desk. "He is not," he says, in a voice so calm he could be talking about the weather. 

His calm is probably meant to be contagious; it's  anything but. Judy throws her hands up into the air. "I can't work with him," she says. "He's loud, and he's crass and he's got no manners..."

"I think you're wrong," Jenko tells her, sitting up properly then, boots on the floor, elbows on his desk and that is enough to tell Judy that he's not going to change his mind. "And thankfully for me, since I'm the captain, mine is the opinion that counts."

Judy purses her lips. "You're not gonna let me out of this, are you?"

"Nope." Jenko stands, crosses the room and puts his hand on her shoulders. "Just trust me... I think you two will work well together. I think you could even be friends."

With difficulty, Judy keeps back a snort. "If this doesn't go well, I get to say I told you so, you know."

Jenko smirks. "And I don't doubt you will... but I don't think you'll have to."

Shaking her head, Judy heads back to her desk. 


	2. Gotta Finish the Riff

As he rides his motorcycle to the cemetery, Doug can hardly see for the tears in his eyes. He's getting used to it though; it's been like that for the last couple of days. Ever since he got woken up by a call from the Chief of Detectives to tell him that Captain Richard Jenko was dead, killed by a drunk driver. He hadn't believed it, hadn't wanted to believe it but he'd got out of bed anyway, got dressed and went down to the Jump Street Chapel, half expecting Jenko to be there in his office, feet up on his desk, laughing about how he'd fooled them all.   
   
But Jenko hadn't been there.   
   
The rest of the squad had been, wandering in in ones and twos, in various stages of dress and grief. Most looked shell-shocked, none more so than Hanson and Ioki, but the face that had broken his heart - and he means that literally, as in stomped-to-a-million-little-bitty-pieces broken- was Judy Hoffs. Dazed and shell-shocked didn't begin to cover what he saw in her face, in her eyes; complete devastation was much more like it and Doug can't believe that he's still the only one who's noticed, that no-one else noticed as the night cleared to day and the dawn brought the realisation that everything in their lives was suddenly different.   
   
The funeral is awful, as funerals always are, and while everyone is upset it's clear that Judy is only barely holding it together. He can't stand to look at her like that - he's never been able to stand it when a pretty girl, or a beautiful woman, cries - and he goes over to her, hands her a red rose to place on the coffin and it makes her smile through her tears.   
   
She still tries to leave the ceremony first but he won't let her, goes after her as she tries to escape. He calls to her and he doesn't miss the way that her shoulders stiffen as she stops, the very deliberate pause that exists before she turns around and faces him. When she does, she looks nothing short of exhausted and her voice when she speaks does nothing to damage that idea. "What do you want, Doug?" It's sharper than he might have expected from her and she must hear that too because she suddenly looks stricken, dark eyes filling with tears.   
   
"I just saw you leaving," he says, holding up his hands either as a gesture of surrender or one of conciliation, or just maybe a little bit of both. "Figured you might need some company is all."  
   
He tries his best to be sincere which is pretty easy considering that he's actually being sincere and it  must come across because Judy nods once, looks to his right and up. He can see she's still battling tears and he gives her all the time she needs to speak. "Thanks," she finally manages. "I just really need to be on my own for a little while."  
   
"I get that, I get that, I really do." He nods, takes a step back then takes one forward. "It's just..." He's tongue tied all of a sudden, an unusual feeling for him, an unusual thing for Judy to see. She frowns, tilts her head to one side and takes a step forward, then it all comes out in a rush. "Look, I know you're going to have to collect your stuff...you know, from Jenko's place."  
   
The words have an instant effect; Judy looks like he's slapped her. Her mouth opens and closes several times before anything comes out and when it does, all that there is is the most defeated sounding, "You knew?"   
   
Now it's his turn to tilt his head as he raises both eyebrows. "I'm a cop, Jude," he reminds her. "It's my job to know things."  
   
Judy's shoulders slump, her head dips forward and this time he knows that the tears won't be denied. So he does what any good friend would do in that situation, what he's wanted to do since he got that phone call that turned their lives upside down. He steps towards her and wraps his arms around her, holds her tightly. There's the barest moment of resistance before she collapses into him, her fingers making fists in the back of his jacket and there's a tiny voice in the back of his mind that hopes she's doesn't rip it; she's holding on kinda tight and it's the only suit he's got. "We didn't think anyone knew," he hears her mumble, and it makes him smile because he doesn't think anyone else did.   
   
"Yeah, well," he replies, "I'm not anyone."  
   
When Judy pulls back, she laughs self-consciously, running one finger carefully under each of her eyes. "You never said," she says, more question than statement and he shrugs.   
   
"Pretty obvious you didn't want anyone to know. Pretty obvious why. Not my place," he responds and she laughs softly in what is unmistakably amazement. He'd be insulted if he didn't know his reputation around the Chapel was that of class clown, just like he knows that that's his reputation because it was just the way he likes it - you get away with more when people don't expect much of you.   
   
"Thank you."  
   
Doug shrugs. "I just wanted you to know... that when you're getting your stuff... packing up his place... I'll come with you."   
   
Judy's eyes widen and she shakes her head. "You don't have to," she tells him. "I mean, I do, but..."  
   
"What I'm trying to say," he tells her softly, "Is that you don't have to do it alone."  
   
More tears fill her eyes, spill down her cheeks and he doesn't hesitate, steps forward once more and wraps her in his arms. She cries into his shoulder and he feels more than hears her whispered thank you.   
   
He doesn't need thanks, but it's nice all the same.  
 


	3. Besieged

Doug knows when he goes to kiss Judy that this is a bad idea. She's his friend, she's his co-worker, and there's bound to be another hundred reasons why this is a bad idea. 

But he does it anyway, for a million different reasons. She's Judy and she's beautiful and he's had a crush on her since he first met her. He holds her at first because she's upset, she's crying and he  can't stand to see a beautiful woman cry. He talks to her, opens up to her about Adabo because she's smiling at him, she's trying to put her own feelings aside, trying to be there for him. 

He kisses her because he wants to. 

He kisses her and not in a million years does he expect her to kiss him back, but after the initial shock, the "What are you doing?", she leans in and presses her lips to his. It's a nice kiss, sweet, but the one that follows, when he lays her back on the couch and her arms wind around his neck, is even sweeter. 

From there, things progress pretty naturally, and only get hinky when they're actually in the bedroom. They're under the covers, about to get where they need to be and when he pulls a condom out of his wallet, Judy gets a look on her face that stops him in his tracks. "You ok?" he asks, but he already knows the answer. She shifts away from him, pulls the covers a little tighter around her, bites her lip. "Jude?"

She can't look at him. "Doug, I can't do this."

He'd been expecting it, but it still stings, he's not going to lie about that. He doesn't argue with her though, puts the condom back into the wallet, tosses the wallet onto his jeans on the floor. "OK," he says, keeping his voice light, not letting any of his frustration seep through. "You don't want to do anything, we don't have to do anything." He pulls the covers up over them both, lies down on his side so that he's facing her. "We can just sleep."

"Just sleep?" Judy doesn't sound like she quite believes him and he raises one shoulder in a shrug. 

"I need to sleep, you need to sleep... so we can sleep." He presses his luck slightly though, because he wouldn't be Doug Penhall if he didn't, and leans forward, brushes his lips over hers. "It'll all be better in the morning."

Except it isn't all better in the morning. What it is is awkward - Judy can't look at him, he doesn't know what to say to her and Doug can hardly get out of there quickly enough. He makes it home, showers quickly and changes his clothes and he still makes it to the chapel ahead of Judy. When she gets there, it's still the same, that awkward tension and he can't believe Hanson, intent on busting his chops about getting lucky, doesn't pick up on it. He does succeed in getting her to talk to him, takes her down to Blowfish's room but that doesn't go as planned either. Judy starts throwing around words like "taking advantage" and making out like he planned the whole thing, which couldn't be farther from the truth and Doug knows she knows that, if she wasn't so upset. 

They agree it's never going to happen again but it's when she threatens to make his life a misery if he tells anyone that he spent the night at her place that Doug really starts to lose his temper. "You chickened out at the last minute," he reminds her and she bites her lip at that, just like she did last night, looks down and sighs. 

"I know... I'm sorry." 

She wraps her arms around herself, shakes her head and Doug takes a step towards her. Not too close though, that's how they got into this situation in the first place. "Hey, you don't have to say sorry," he tells her quietly. No matter how awkward things might be, he doesn't want her to feel like he thinks she's feeling right now. "You changed your mind, I get that. You have every right..."

"I just..." Judy sighs, looks up at the ceiling. "I saw your wallet... what was in it... and I got thinking... well, you know what I thought. And I know it's crazy, Doug, I know that, but I don't want to be that girl." He frowns, not understanding and she continues. "That girl... the one who sleeps with her co-workers."

Doug's jaw drops, an amazed little chuckle passing his lips. "Jude, no-one thinks you're that girl. You could never be that girl."

Judy lifts one eyebrow, stares him down. "You might think that," is all she says and he's reminded then strongly that there are a great many people who would think that about her, wouldn't be shy about telling her so either. "But I know different."

She turns on her heel and walks out of the room.

Doug just watches her go. 

He watches her for the rest of the day, doesn't miss the tension that's settled in her shoulders and if he didn't know better, he'd think that it was just the Darlene thing that's got her down. He knows better though because not only does she not talk to him all day, she studiously avoids looking in his direction. By the end of the day, he knows they can't go on like this. Not only will they not be able to work together effectively, but someone will definitely notice that something's going on - or not - between them and neither of them want that kind of talk following them around. 

So, biting the bullet, he returns to the scene of the crime. 

She doesn't slam the door in his face, invites him in, but if things were awkward in the chapel, they're even more awkward here. In the chapel, he didn't have a visual reminder of what they'd done, but when he looks at her sitting on her couch, all he can remember is how comfortable it was to lie on with her, how soft her skin was under his palm, how her body arched against his...

He shakes himself mentally. This is not getting them anywhere. Especially since he thinks Judy can read his mind and is giving him a glare that's cold enough to freeze water. 

Taking a deep breath, he says all the things he knows she wants to hear, and he believes them, even if they're not entirely what he wants. He talks about them needing to work together, he basically says that it takes two to tango, that they're both equally to blame, that that they should both agree to forgive one another and start over. And he must do a good job selling it because Judy's shoulders go down, her lips go up and she smiles at him. 

She pats the couch and tells him to sit beside her. 

He doesn't go eagerly because the memories of that couch are strong enough sitting across from it. But she's not going to take no for an answer so he goes, sits stiffly beside her, close but not close enough. 

Never close enough, he reminds himself sternly. Never again. 

"Who would've thought you would have turned out to be such a nice guy?"

Judy's trying to tease him and he has the perfect comeback. Keeping a straight face he says, "Don't tell nobody. Or I'll tell them all that you snore."

"I don't snore!" she protests and he gives her a look. "Much."

They  share a smile then and he thinks that maybe, just maybe things are going to work out all right. 

The next day, he gets a phone call from Jimmy Adabo, confessing to everything that Doug thought he'd done and Doug finds out the hard way that sometimes you don't get everything you want in life. A couple of days ago, he'd've given anything for that phone call; now he takes no satisfaction in the downfall of a man who was once a good cop, especially not when he eats his gun shortly after hanging up on him. 

Doug watches Hanson liaise with the uniforms at the scene but he stays well back, wipes his eyes and hopes no-one notices. 

Someone does. 

"Doug." 

Judy is beside him, her hand on his arm, her voice gentle. "I'm sorry, Doug... I'm so sorry."

He looks at her, looks into her eyes and the next thing he knows, he's pulling her into his arms. Or maybe she's pulling him into hers, she's certainly holding on tightly enough, her fingers moving through his hair and it's just like it was a couple of nights ago when mutual comfort and complaining turned into so much more. He's shaking, he realises, and he doesn't know if its from Adabo or from her. 

He gets his answer when she pulls away from him. 

Eyes dark, she takes his hand in hers. Without saying a word, she leads him to her car and he ignores Hanson's comical double take and surprised look. Judy drives them back to her place, lets them in and drops her purse beside the door. Locking it behind her, she slides home the deadbolt then turns to him, walks up to him and takes his face in her hands. 

She stares at him for what seems like forever. 

And then she kisses him. 

She kisses him and it's like he's wanted it to be forever, all passion and heat and need. It's even better than it was a couple of nights ago and he pulls her against him, as close as he can get her and he kisses her back like a drowning man. 

He breaks away though, stares at her and rubs a finger over her swollen lips. "Jude," he whispers. "If this is just because you feel bad... or I do... I don't know if I can do this."

He means it too, means every word because they've been here before and he's not going to screw up what they have on the altar of what they could have. Judy's response is quiet, but certain. "It's not that, Doug," she whispers. "I swear to you... it's not that. I'm not sure I know what it is... but I do know this is what I want."

Those are the only words that he wants to hear. 

He remembers where her bedroom is and he wastes no time in scooping her up and carrying her there. 

This time, she doesn't change her mind.

This time, they don't sleep. 

This time, afterwards is the furthest thing from awkward.


	4. Cory and Dean Got Married

Doug's seen a lot of things in his life but the one thing he knows for damn sure when he's speeding down a dark road in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night is that the figure of Judy Hoffs walking along the side of the road is the best thing he's ever seen. He's driving so quickly that he has to jam on the breaks when he realises it's her, and the car screeches to a halt a hundred yards away from her. His feet are on the asphalt before the squeal of the breaks has faded away and he's sprinting to Judy, enveloping her in his arms.

"Are you ok?" He asks the question into her hair at first because he doesn't want to let her go. She nods, head barely moving from his chest and he can feel her shaking. 

"I'm ok, Doug," she tells him. "I'm ok."

He presses a kiss to the top of her head before pulling away, turning her gently so that he can undo the binding on her wrists, wincing when he sees the livid red imprints left behind. He rubs at the marks like he can take them away, only stopping when Judy lays a hand over his. 

"Doug." Her voice is quiet. 

"Sorry." He swallows. "I know, I know... We need to get going."

She nods, follows him to the car and they drive to Cory's aunt's house, the one with the view of the lake and Orion shining above. By the time they get there it's four in the morning and Judy is all ready to charge in there and arrest Cory and Dean. 

Doug has other ideas. 

"Look, can we just sit on the front porch and watch the stars?" he asks and she looks at him like he's lost his mind. 

"One hour," she finally gives him, stomping up to the front porch  and dropping down onto the bench there. 

He follows her, sits down beside her and leans back, puts his arm around her shoulder, not really surprised to meet resistance.   "C'mere," he says, pulling her down and it only takes a minute before she leans into him. She lets out a shaky breath as his fingers play with her hair and this close he can feel her shoulders trembling ever so slightly. 

"I was really scared tonight," he tells her softly. "When I walked into that hotel room and you weren't there..." The actual phone call, Dean telling him that he'd taken Judy, had almost been a relief; they'd been fighting for most of the trip and there had been a moment where he'd thought Judy might just have taken off. Not that the serious and dependable Officer Hoffs would ever do such a thing, of course, but he hadn't been thinking straight at the time. 

"Me too." Her voice is just as quiet. "I didn't even hear him come in... I came out of the shower and there he was. All I could see was the gun." A shudder wracks her body and he holds her tighter. 

"Look, Jude," he says. "I know we've never talked about us, not properly... and I know I'm not the most serious of people and I know there are times when you want to kill me... a lot of them probably in the last forty eight hours..." She's looking up at him now, eyes dark and unblinking. "But I figured out something... somewhere in between not knowing where you were and watching Dean take you a second time..." He takes a deep breath, runs a hand over her cheek. "I love you, Judy. And it's the real deal... all in, Hollywood ending, rest of my life kinda thing. And I don't know if you feel the same, or if you could, sometime in the future... but it seemed like the kind of thing I should tell you."

Judy stares at him for what seems like a very long time. 

Then she smiles that broad, beaming grin that he loves. 

"What, a declaration of love is funny to you?" he quips because he knows it's not that, but he just wants to see her smile broaden even more. 

"Dope," she says, swatting at his shoulder with no real intent. "I love you too."

Doug smiles before he leans down and kisses her before he pulls her back into his arms and they watch the stars until Judy falls asleep.

Then he watches her. 


	5. Loc'd Out

The hospital is quiet as Doug makes his way down the corridors. He's surprised, because it's not that late, but then he glances at the clock above the nurses station and he works it out - dinners have just been given out so the nurses are catching up on paperwork, the patients are eating and it's still too early for the round of evening visitors. Which should mean, of course, that he gets run out of here on a rail, but no-one gives him a second look - they know him here now. 

When he reaches the door, he pushes it open slowly, carefully, his suspicions confirmed by the sight he sees. Harry lies still as ever in the bed, a collection of tubes and machines emitting hissing and beeping noises that never fail to freak Doug out, just a little. Today though, he barely pays them any mind. 

Because Harry's not the only one asleep in that room.

Judy is curled up on the chair, hands looped around her knees, neck tilted at an uncomfortable looking angle. Her breathing is deep and even but Doug can see the frown on her face from clear across the room and between that and the shadows under her eyes, his heart gives a lurch that's almost painful. He leans against the door for a moment, collecting himself, barely keeping back a sigh. Then he crosses the floor carefully, squats down beside the chair and places a hand on her leg. 

She wakes with a sharp intake of breath, eyes wide and blinking, relaxing instantly when she realises who it is. "Hey," he says, his voice as gentle as his touch. 

Judy smiles a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "I fell asleep," she says, trying to straighten herself up. She winces as she does so and when she moves her legs and her knees actually crack, Doug winces right along with her. "Jesus... I feel like I'm ninety." The retort is too obvious and he opens his mouth but she beats him with a grin and, "If you tell me I look it too, Doug, I swear..."

"Wouldn't dream of it." His hand hasn't moved from her knee; he rubs it now, uses his other hand to brush back a lock of hair from her cheek. "Long day, huh?"

Her chuckle has no humour in it. "Aren't they all?" He can't argue with that; with Ioki in a coma and Hanson in jail, they're stretched thin for manpower and that's without the Rat Squad and the Mayor and who knows who else coming into the Chapel and checking that every I is dotted and every T is crossed. She frowns, as if she's remembered something. "I thought you were going to see Hanson?"

"I was. Ended up here instead." It's the honest truth too; he'd been all set for the drive to the prison, finding himself here had been something of a shock. He'd figured, sitting in the car park, that he might as well go in, touch base with Judy who had left the Chapel earlier than he had, maybe plan a little takeout dinner for later.

Then he'd walked into the room, and his plans had changed. 

"Guess I must have know you needed me."

It might sound arrogant, or ridiculous, or any one of a thousand other words Doug can think of. Judy doesn't seem to think so though, not if the way she smiles, the way she leans forward into him is anything to go by. Her arms slide around his neck and she holds him tightly, tucking her face into his shoulder. Her breaths are shuddering, a sure sign she's trying not to cry. He runs a hand up and down her back, cups the back of her head with the other and closes his eyes. 

When she pulls back, she gives him a watery smile. "Come on," he says, taking her hands in his and standing up. "Let's go home... I'll run you a bath, you can soak while I dial for take out... anything you want."

Judy smiles, stands up and leans against him as he slings an arm around her shoulder. "That sounds nice." She glances over at Harry, bites her lip. "Though I should get back to the Chapel... I left a report half-"

"Leave it." His voice isn't as harsh as his words. "It'll still be there in the morning." His fingers squeeze her shoulder. "You need a night off, Jude... we both do.."

Judy looks at him, frowning slightly before reaching up to lay her hand on his cheek. "OK," she tells him simply, standing on tiptoe to brush her lips over his. "Let's go home."


	6. Stand by your Man

Something's wrong with Judy. 

Oh, she's putting up a good front, he knows that. Hanson hasn't noticed anything amiss, neither has Fuller. But Doug can see in her eyes, in her demeanour, that she's hiding something. She's been avoiding him too, not coming near him in the Chapel, has been dodging coming to his place, which isn't unusual, but she's avoiding him coming to hers, which is. When he first noticed it, he told himself to give her space, that she'd talk when she's ready - now, he's not so sure.  

So when they're sitting in a diner with Fuller and Hanson celebrating the end of the case, when Hanson looks out at the couples dancing and asks them why they're not out there, Doug seizes the opportunity. He takes Judy's hand, doesn't take no for an answer and he sneaks a peek back at Fuller as he leads her to the floor but if their boss objects to seeing them like that, he's not showing it. 

Then Judy is in his arms and he's danced with her before, both before and after they were a thing and she's never been like this. She's stiff, rigid, as if she's afraid of something - afraid of him. 

The thought makes him go cold and he runs a hand up and down her back. "Talk to me," he says into her ear, so softly that he almost thinks she might not have heard him. 

Then she draws in a deep, shuddering breath, tightens her grip on the back of his shirt and then she says it. 

"He raped me, Doug."

She whispers the words into his shoulder and he feels himself freeze in place, feels his heart stop then start again painfully. His first impulse is to reject the words, refuse to believe that something like that could happen to Judy, his Judy. He can't do that though, because armed with that knowledge, her behaviour is making a terrible kind of sense. Next, he wants to find Evan, the son of a bitch, and personally tear him limb from limb, but he pushes that impulse aside quickly. Satisfying as it might be, it's not what Judy needs to hear now. 

What she needs to hear is something from him, as evidenced by her death grip on his shoulders, by her whispered, "Say something? Please?"

He tightens his grip on her, just for a moment before whispering, "It's gonna be fine." He's not sure if she believes it, any more than he believes it himself but she goes limp, sags against him and he hears her let out a little sob. "Come on," he says, pulling back and turning around, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and holding her against him. "Let's get out of here."

He thinks that Hanson and Fuller might notice something, might say something, but they merely wave a hand, Hanson giving him a wave and a wink, as if to say, "I know what you're up to and don't do anything I wouldn't do." Any other day, Doug might laugh and grin and say something to him (because let's face it, he'd've been right) but tonight he only wishes that Tom were right. 

They end up in his car, in the front seat, hands clasped together tightly, so tightly their knuckles are white. She tells him everything, even the details he doesn't want to hear and he lets her because he knows this has been killing her ever since it happened and if she needs to talk, then that's what he's there for. He can go and punch something later, and by God he intends to. She talks and he listens and they both cry and when it is over, he takes a deep breath. "Jude...we need to go see IAD."

He expects her to disagree, to put up a fight. Instead she just nods and he drives there with one hand on the wheel and the other holding hers for most of the way. 

Telling IAD what happened is hard; telling Hanson and Fuller is worse again. Hanson blames himself, thinking he should have been able to protect her, Fuller is beating himself up for giving her the assignment in the first place. 

But no-one is blaming Judy, apart from herself. 

She talks it over with him, what she could have done differently, and he tries to tell her it's not her fault but she won't hear him. The Judy he knows seems to disappear before his eyes, eaten away by insecurity and self doubt, and all he can do is be there for her, listen to her when she lets him, try to give her whatever she needs even when she's not sure herself what that is. 

He's there beside her in court, grinding his teeth through her testimony, reciting baseball stats to keep him calm through Evan's. He has no doubt that Judy is telling the truth but he knows enough to know that a jury might not see things the same way, so he closes his eyes and resists the urge to punch the air when Evan is found guilty. Afterwards, outside, when Evan comes over and talks to her, he makes himself stay where is, away from her, lets her handle it herself. As much as he wants to punch the guy's lights out, he knows this isn't his battle to fight. 

He can hear every word though, hears Judy give him hell and walk away, head held high. 

She stops when she sees him, a smile coming over her lips. He smiles back, feels his shoulders relax as she closes the distance between them. Stopping in front of him, she keeps her hands in her coat pocket. "I can't believe it's over," she says and he gives her a small smile. 

"Never doubted the outcome," he tells her and it's only a small fib. "You heading home?"

Judy shrugs. "I thought I might let you buy me dinner," she tells him, shifting on her feet and she almost looks nervous. "It's been a while." 

Doug can't keep the smile off his face as he offers her his arm. "I thought you'd never ask."


	7. Wheels and Deals

   
Doug's as quiet as he can possibly be when he sneaks into the tent at midnight but he's not really surprised when, after throwing his jacket on top of the bag of clothes in the corner, he turns around to the sound of Judy's whisper. "What time is it?"

Bending, he pulls off his boots, strips down as quickly as possible as he answers her. "Midnight. The rest are still going strong."

There's a chuckle from the sleeping bag. "So I hear." He moves across to her, unzipping the bag and climbing in quickly, but not quickly enough for Judy it would appear, not if her quick intake of breath is anything to go by. "Your feet are freezing!" she informs him, and this close to her, he can just about make out the outline of her face. 

"My feet are always freezing," he reminds her, not for the first time either. "Would you rather I wear my socks to bed?"

He doesn't need proximity to know that Judy's nose is doing that funny wrinkling thing it does when she's disgusted by something. "No thanks. I think we'll make do." She snuggles up closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder as he shifts so he can wrap his arms around her. Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath and tries to forget that they're sleeping in a sleeping bag in a tent on a motorcycle caravan, on the job and undercover and probably in great danger if this were to go south. Instead, he concentrates on Judy's warm body next to his, the way that her fingers are playing with the medal around his neck, how soft her hair feels as he runs his fingers over it. For a while there, he'd thought that they'd never be this comfortable - this them - again, not after everything. It's been a long road back here, for them and for Judy and while the situation they're in is based on a lie, lying here with her like this is the truth and he's grateful for it. 

He's so lost in thought that he nearly misses her words. "How'd you manage to escape so early?"

Doug smirks in the darkness, shrugs the shoulder she's not lying on. "I told them I was more scared of my old lady than of them bustin' my balls about being scared of my old lady." He pauses, his smirk growing wider as Judy pulls away from him with a quickly stifled noise that he can't quite identify. "It seemed to work."

"You did not say that. In front of Hanson and Ioki and Fuller and everyone?" Her voice is quiet in case someone passing by could overhear them but he's got a pretty good idea that if they were in her apartment or his, that would have been shouted at full volume. There would possibly have been things thrown at his head, or other body organs. All told, he's glad they're here. 

He pulls her back towards him, meeting slight resistance, but only slight. "Please, you think they haven't said that stuff? And yes, I'm talking about Fuller too. Hell, he's the one who told me I'd better do as you say." Another pause. "OK, he actually said, 'do right by Judy' but I think it's the same thing."

Judy is silent for what seems like a long time and when she does speak, her voice is more small than quiet. "You always do right by me, Doug," she tells him. "Even before us... and before Evan."

It's not the first time she's mentioned his name but it's the first time she's ever done it like this and maybe that's why the flash of blind rage and hatred that usually accompanies it doesn't appear. "Jude..." 

She cuts him off. "I need you to know... I might not have acted like it... I'm damn sure I didn't say anything like it... but you were amazing through all that. And I know I'd have been all right... eventually... without you... but you being there... it helped. You helped."

"I'm an amazing guy," Doug shrugs and is ready to wince when the words are out in the air between them, because while deflecting compliments with humour is his normal modus operandi, it really has no place here. But then, maybe Judy understands that about him because her hand finds his cheek, draws his face towards her. 

"Yes," she says, "You are." And then her lips are on his and it's the type of kiss they used to share all the time, before, and the type of kiss that has been nowhere to be found lately. Her fingers play with the hair on the nape of his neck the way she knows drives him crazy as she pushes her body against his, and he rolls over onto his back, taking her with him. One of his hands tangles in her hair, the other making its way downwards, stopping at the small of her back and tracing tiny patterns there. She moans into his mouth and he takes the opportunity to flick his tongue against her lips, swallowing his own moan when hers does likewise. Her free hand makes her way under his t-shirt, rests on his hip for just a moment before touching the elastic waistband of his boxers...

That's when he pulls away from her, heart racing, breath heavy. "Jude...we need to stop."

In the dim light, he can see her blink, can sense her confusion. As long as they've been together, those words have never fallen from his lips; indeed, if someone had said that they ever would, he would have immediately called for the men in white coats. Judy's confusion, however, rapidly gives way to hurt and she pulls away from him, turns her back on him without a word. 

"Hey," he says, pulling her back gently, but she won't turn around. "It's not like that... it's just..." Sighing he shakes his head, wishing he could see her face. "Jude, we've been taking it slow... ever since. And I'm fine with that, I'm one hundred and ten percent completely fine with that. But the first time.... your first time after... it shouldn't be some fumble in a sleeping bag on the job. It should be special." As he talks, he can feel her relax so he continues. "I'm talking dinner, maybe a little dancing... some wine, you in some hot little number you bought to drive me wild, me in a suit..."

By now, she's snickering as she turns to face him. "Your court suit?" she asks and while he has to admit that yes, he does only have the one suit, he had something else in mind. 

"I may have considered purchasing something for the occasion."

"You really have this all thought out, don't you?" She sounds amazed, like she wouldn't have expected him to do that, like it never would have crossed his mind. His inner fifteen year old guy mutters something about having lots of time to think about it; the older, wiser Doug silences him with a mental smack. 

"I just want to make it so there's no thought of... you know... in your head."

Her lips brush across his then, feather light and smiling. "You don't have to make it special, Doug," she whispers. "With you...it always is."

Pulling her back into his arms, he holds her tightly, presses a kiss to the top of her head. They are silent for so long that he thinks she's fallen asleep when he hears, "For a big tough biker, who knew you were such a romantic?"

Her giggles lull him to sleep. 

As it happens, the first time they make love after the rape isn't after some romantic date. It's a day much like any other where they've both put in long hours and finally the case looks like it's going to break their way. Judy's still in the shirt and jeans she wore earlier in the day; Doug's changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants and they're curling up on his couch looking at bad tv. They each have a beer in their hand, the remnants of Chinese takeout are on the table ready for Doug to eat cold in the morning and for Judy to roll her eyes and make disgusted noises at while he does it. They're chatting as they always do about something and nothing and everything and when they end up kissing it's the most normal thing in the world. 

He takes a break long enough to place his beer and hers on the table before kissing her again, deeper this time and she responds like she's done so many times before, lying back on the couch and taking him with her. Her fingers make their way under his t-shirt while his do likewise, finding the gap where her shirt rides up above her jeans and it's only when she moans into his mouth that reality hits and he pulls away. He opens his mouth to say something but she reaches up, puts one finger to his lips and shakes her head. 

"I won't break, Doug," she tells him quietly, her eyes burning with conviction. "And I'm ready."

It's what he's needed to hear, wanted to hear since that night when they were dancing in the diner and slowly he nods before kissing her again, taking her by the hand and leading her into his bedroom. 

Later, when she is wrapped in his arms, her head on his shoulder, almost asleep, he hears her whisper, "I love you."

He smiles in the darkness. "I love you too."


	8. Back to School

When Judy tells him that she needs to talk to him, instantly the hairs rise on the back of Doug's neck. It's not altogether the words itself that do it (although they do a good part), more the look on her face, in her eyes, when she says it. She's slightly excited, slightly nervous and when she insists that she drive, against his better judgement, he lets her. 

She pulls up outside a large house, for sale sign looming large in the garden, and he recognises it instantly. "This is the house you always talk about when we drive by here. This is your dream house."

Judy nods and now there is only excitement in her face. "I drove past yesterday and saw the sign... I called the realtor right away." Reaching into her jacket pocket she pulled out a set of keys. "Come on in."

From the way she walks through the house, he knows it's not her first time in here and suddenly her absences of yesterday make sense. And when she starts describing what she would put where and the colours she'd paint the walls, he knows for sure why he's here. "You want to buy this place."

Judy stops walking, turns and faces him, exciting warring with nerves in her face. She joins her hands together in front of her, twists her fingers before blurting out, "Yeah." He senses she has more to say so he waits - she left the office more than once yesterday. "I talked to my bank manager... I can get a mortgage to cover it. It'll be a bit tight for a while, but Doug..." She shakes her head, looks around her, eyes shining with promise. 

He takes a step towards her, takes one hand in his. "Were you planning on living here alone?" he asks her. It's a reasonable question; after all, even though they've been together for over two years, they've both maintained their separate residences, splitting nights between his place and hers, ok, mostly hers - it's larger, nicer and neater. They've never really discussed living together, because for all intents and purposes they are and it's been working so well that neither of them have wanted to jinx it by making it official. 

The for sale sign on the law outside has forced their hand however. 

Judy looks down at their joined hands, then back to his face. "No," she says quietly before a large smile splits her face, before a laugh bubbles up in her throat. "I really want us to live here... together." When she looks back to him, her smile falters. "But I don't want to put any pressure on you either... I mean, if that's not what you want..."

"Jude." He cuts across her because he has never been more certain of what he wants. "There is nothing more I would like than to live here with you." The smile on Judy's face could power a city block for a year and she leaps into his arms, pressing her lips to his. Even then, he can feel her smile against his own and it compounds his certainty. When they finally part, when she attempts to step back, he holds her tighter, brushes his lips lightly over hers again. Then he steps back from her, sliding his hands down her arms to take hers and slowly gets down on one knee. 

Judy's jaw drops almost comically and all she can say is, "Doug..."

"Judy." His voice is uncharacteristically serious. "I'm not real good at all this romantic stuff, but trust me...I would like nothing better for us to live in this house together...as husband and wife. I love you... and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So... Judith Esther Hoffs... will you marry me?"

She swallows hard and the few seconds between that and her nodding are the longest few seconds of his life. When she manages to get her voice working again, her "Yes," is all he needs to hear to pull her down to him, press his lips against hers again. 

They kiss like they're never going to stop and when he pulls her to the ground, fingers pulling at her clothes, the sane part of him knows that a realtor's not going to be happy that they're christening the house without even an offer in place. 

Then again, what the realtor doesn't know won't hurt them. 


	9. Equal Protection

It might just be the bloodiest game of basketball Doug's ever been involved in, but at the end of it, when he's sitting with his back to a chain link fence, knowing he's going to pay for this tomorrow, he also knows he was wrong about Mac. He's not Tom, that's true, and he's never gonna be. But he's a good guy, and even his prickly nature is explainable now - after all, Doug's fairly sure that if the cops he worked with turned around and shot him to cover up their dirty dealings, he wouldn't be too trusting of new people either. 

He's still trying to catch his breath when Mac speaks again, chin jerking to the other side of the court. "Looks like we've got an audience," he says and Doug follows his gaze to see Judy approaching, a nervous look on her face. 

"She's probably here to make sure I didn't kill you," Doug tell him. "She made me promise."

Mac looks surprised for a moment, then his eyes narrow as he tilts his head. Doug can almost hear the penny dropping. "You two an item?"

Doug can't keep the smile off his face when he replies, "We're engaged." It's still new enough that he gets a kick out of it, new enough that the sparkle has barely worn off Judy's ring, let alone the smile on her face when she looks at it. 

"Yeah?" Mac makes a face that could either mean he's impressed or surprised, and it's fifty fifty which one it is. His eyes go back to Judy, looking her up and down and while Doug would normally want to punch a guy's lights out for doing that, he's pretty sure Mac doesn't mean anything by it. 

Besides, Doug's in no shape to punch anyone right now. 

"Hitting above your weight there, aren't you, Slugger?" 

One glance at Mac tells Doug that he's teasing, and he doesn't have to think about his reply. "So she tells me. Every chance she gets."

By the time Judy reaches them, the two men are laughing. She demands to know what's so funny but they refuse to tell her and the look on her face only makes them laugh more.   
 


	10. Brothers

When Judy sees a stranger sleeping in Doug's chair, she knows that the day isn't getting off to a good start. It wouldn't be the first time that someone's mistaken the Chapel for the shelter down the street and she learned a long time ago not to even think about approaching them on her own - there were some homeless folk who had been less than sober when she woke them who didn't take kindly to either her gender or the colour of her skin or, on one memorable occasion where Doug and Tom combined to throw the guy bodily out on the street, both. So when she sees Mac coming towards her, she doesn't hesitate to bring him over so that they can deal with this guy together. 

Finding out that he's a cop when they've ever so nicely directed him to the homeless shelter is embarrassing. 

When he identifies himself as Joey Penhall, however, that's when things start to get downright bizarre.

She doesn't take her eyes off the man in Doug's chair and the more she looks at him, the more she starts to see a resemblance. It's around the eyes, around the mouth, in the cadence of his speech. "It's just," Mac says, and she's sure she can feel his eyes on her, "We've got a cop called Doug Penhall here."

The guy - Joey - nods as if Mac has just told him that the sky is blue. "I know. He's my brother."

Judy couldn't be more surprised if he'd punched her in the stomach and that's exactly what those three last words feel like. She looks over at Mac, giving him her best, "Did I just hear what I think I just heard?" look and finds Mac giving his best version of the same look right back at her. She literally cannot speak, raises her shoulders in a helpless shrug and Mac looks back to Joey and tilts his head. "I guess they do look alike..." he allows and just then, Fuller walks by and Judy leaps on his appearance right away. 

"Captain... did you know that Doug has a brother?"

If Joey notices that her voice is slightly more strangled than it was moments ago, he says nothing, just stands when he sees Fuller. For his part, Fuller smiles at Joey, and Judy knows Fuller long enough to see the flicker of concern in his eyes, knows that he's figured out that she didn't know Doug has a brother and considering their relationship, that's cause for concern. "Not until yesterday, when he got assigned here," he says, extending a hand to Joey. "Good to have you here, Joey."

"Good to be here, Captain," the younger man says and just then, behind her, Judy hears a familiar footfall. 

"Hey, what's everyone looking at?"

Judy's still finding speech difficult so it's left to Joey to turn around, meet Doug's eyes. Judy's looking at Doug, looking at him closely and when she sees the look in his eyes, when she sees his face go blank, her heart turns cold in her chest. 

And when Doug pulls a fist back and punches Joey hard enough to send him flying back into Fuller's arms, completely out cold, she finds it hard to breathe. 

With everyone looking at them, Doug turns smartly on his heel, storms up the stairs and Judy's fairly sure that there's only one place that leads; the guys' locker room. Doug's locker still bears a hefty fist sized imprint from the day Tom turned in his badge. She looks over her shoulder after him, then back to Fuller, suddenly unsure of what to do. On one hand, she wants nothing more than to run after Doug. But if it were any other colleague, she'd probably let them go and give them their space. That's what Fuller would expect her to do. So she looks to him, and he's looking down at Joey, who he's now lowered to the floor with McCann's help, and Fuller says the one thing she wasn't expecting. 

"Go."

When she reaches the guys' locker room, she doesn't know whether to be confused or shocked or annoyed or how she should be feeling. Any confusion, however, disappears when she stands in the doorway and sees Doug sitting on a bench, shoulders rounded, his head in his hands. Something in her breaks at the sight because Doug has been her rock ever since they've been together, maybe even since before that. He's always been the one who knows the answers, knows what to do, what to say. Now he's the one who's all at sea and she doesn't know what to say to him. For a moment, she wonders if she should just leave him alone, give him some space. Then she hears him speak as he lifts his head to look at her. "You gonna come in or just stand there?"

She lets one shoulder rise and fall in a shrug. "Depends," she says quietly, but she steps in anyway. "Do you want me to?"

Doug sighs. "Sweetheart," he says, and it's been a long time since she's heard him sound so tired. "I will never not want you around."

She wrinkles her nose as she sits down beside him. "You know how I feel about double negatives."

"My apologies, Miss Sarah Lawrence." Doug's response is automatic, a familiar light in his eyes that dies all too quickly. "Guess you're already pretty pissed at me."

"I should be." The fact that she's telling him that surprises them both, but Judy thinks there's been enough secrets between them, especially since she used to think that they didn't have any. "Then I figured out that if we've been together for three years and you never mentioned having a brother, something pretty big must have happened between you two." She reaches out, takes his hand in hers. "You want to talk about it?" 

There's a long silence, followed by a long sigh. "I haven't seen Joey in five years. Pop was sick...and scared...and mean. Joey and me, we were left taking care of him, taking care of the house, going to school...and it was tough. And then, one day, I came home and Joey didn't." He's quiet in his speech, but angry, jaw clenched as he gets the words out, the look on his face the same one he'd worn when he decked Joey.  "He never came home that night...or any other night. He left... left me carrying the can. I had to nurse my dad til he died, Joey didn't even come to the funeral. Didn't even come back after, when I was packing up the house. Just disappeared, like none of it mattered."  
   
Judy would have to be deaf and blind not to know how angry Doug is, but it's only because she knows him as well as she does that she can hear something else there too - hurt, plain and simple, the hurt of a little boy who'd felt abandoned when his mom had died, then was abandoned again by the one person he'd trusted to help him with his dad. "That sucks," she says quietly, an understatement if ever there was one but it has the desired effect of making Doug huff an almost-laugh.   
   
"Yeah, you could say that," he replies. "It's no fun doing any of that alone."  
   
And just like that, a memory comes to her, a memory of a long ago day when he said that word "alone" to her in just that tone of voice, with just that cadence to it. It was the day they buried Richard Jenko, the day that she'd cried in his arms, the day that he'd offered to come with her to Jenko's apartment to help clean out her stuff because she didn't have to do it alone. She'd taken him up on the offer too, and hard as the experience had been, she knows it would have been a million times harder without Doug there keeping up a steady stream of chatter, being distracting when he needed to be but doing a good job of blending into the background when she needed him to. (He hadn't, for example, followed her into the bedroom, had stayed where he was without a murmur. She'd been so thankful for that at the time because there were some things that he definitely didn't need to see.) In the years since, she's come to realise that that was the first time she'd seen a different side of Doug Penhall than he one he usually portrayed, and there are time she wonders if she didn't start falling for him, just a little bit, right then and there.   
   
"That's why you went to Jenko's apartment with me," she says aloud and while his eyes widen in momentary surprise - she can't remember the last time she mentioned Jenko around him - he nods once.   
   
"I know what it's like," he tells her softly, reaching out and taking her hand. "No-one should have to do that alone. Especially not you."  
   
Her heart swells at the words, tears stinging her eyes and she leans against him, resting her head on his shoulder. "You shouldn't have had to do it either," she says. "You were just a kid." She pauses then, knowing that what she's going to say isn't going to be popular. "But, Doug, so was Joey."  
   
"I know that, ok?" Doug hisses, voice clipped in a way it's never been when he's spoken to her. "But I can't deal with him... not now... not yet."  
   
It's an admission that Judy knows he would only make to her and she nods, lifting her head from his shoulder and turning slightly so that she can look him in the eye. "I love you," she tells him, leading with what she knows he needs to hear, following up with, "And I'm here for you, no matter what."  
   
Doug raises one eyebrow, the corner of his mouth drawing up in a smirk. "Even when you think I'm being a jackass?"  
   
Judy grins. "Hey, it wouldn't be the first time."  
   
*

Doug's taken an early mark and Fuller's said nothing about it. Judy stays though, ostensibly to finish up some paperwork and that's what she intends to do, honestly. Then she sees Joey sitting at Doug's desk, staring at his name plate clenched in the Lucite hand that had passed from Jenko to Ioki to Doug and she's drawn there like a moth to a flame. 

"Hey," she says quietly, leaning against the desk. "I'm Judy. We met earlier."

"Judy." Joey's drawl is so like Doug's that Judy wonders however she could have missed it. "Let me guess, like McCann, like Fuller, you're another Jump Street cop who's gonna bust my ass about my brother and me?"

Judy shrugs, pulls over a chair sits down beside him. "Well, I'm a Jump Street cop with a difference," she tells him, a phrase that has him raising one eyebrow. "As it happens, I'm the Jump Street cop who's going to be your sister." Joey tilts back, eyes narrowed in pure Penhall suspicion and it's so like Doug that Judy feels her heart break just a little. She gives him a smile, holds her hand up to let him see the ring and when it sinks in, Joey nods and the smirk that comes to his lips is so like Doug that Judy almost can't take it. 

"So you're taking on my big brother? Brave woman," he observes but there's no malice in the words. That's what makes Judy smile at him, shrug her shoulders. 

"I don't know about that," she tells him. "But we do ok."

A huff of something that might be disgust, might be dismay, leaves Joey's lips. "That makes one of us," he says quietly.  "Lemme ask you something...you think he's ever gonna forgive me?"

From the way Doug was talking earlier, someone else might say, "Never in a million years." Judy knows better though, and she considers her answer carefully. "Doug's got a big heart," she tells him. "It makes him really loyal, makes him love really hard. It also means that when he gets hurt, he gets hurt that much more...and he's stubborn."

Joey actually laughs at that. "Yeah," he says quietly. "It's kind of a family trait."

For some reason, it strikes Judy then that this is really Doug's brother, someone who grew up with him, who remembers the same things that Doug did. She's taken it for granted with her family, but she's never met any of Doug's before, and being as she'd just assumed he didn't have any family left, she hadn't been expecting to. The unexpected bonus - which is what she's taking this as - makes her smile. "Just give him time," she says and this time, Joey's laugh has no humour. 

"I gave him five years," he tells her. "Then again, that's the whole problem, isn't it?"

*

When the doorbell rings that evening, followed by a familiar knock on the door, Judy gets to it first and when she sees Joey there, her first impulse is to slam it in his face. "What are you doing here?" she demands, keeping her voice low.

Both of Joey's hands are in the pockets of his jeans and he shrugs without taking them out; another Penhall trait that Judy recognises - it's what Doug does when he knows he's wrong but won't admit it. "I'm here to see my brother," he says and Judy doesn't even both to stop rolling her eyes. 

"What happened to giving him some time?" she demands, but whatever he was going to reply with was lost when Doug came up behind her. 

"Who is it?" he asks and when he sees Joey standing there, his jaw clenches, face instantly darkening with anger. "What could you possibly want?" he demands, and for an instant Joey looks like he's going to step backwards. He recovers quickly though, stands his ground. 

"I wanted to see you. I thought we got off to a bad start...before."

Doug's jaw works like he's trying to bite words back and Judy's fairly sure he is. She's a little surprised when he didn't answer Joey directly, instead turning to her. "Jude, can you, ah... can you give us a minute?"

It's not really a question so Judy answers with a nod before making herself scarce as any self-respecting fiancée would - she gets far enough away that the men can't see her, yet close enough that she can still hear every word and she eavesdrops shamelessly. 

Surprisingly enough, it's Joey who speaks first. "I talked to Judy a little earlier," he says, and Judy's suddenly very relieved that she'd said as much to Doug on the drive home from the Chapel. "She seems like she's really great."

"She is." The words are fairly bitten out. "She's always there when I need her." It's a compliment for Judy but a dig at Joey and Judy can feel herself wincing. especially since she can see the look on Joey's face while Doug has his back to her. "You've got five minutes."

"Five minutes for five years? That seems fair.. and ok, I deserve a knuckle sandwich... but I was fifteen, I was a kid. I didn't know how to handle it..."

"And I was seventeen," Doug hisses. "What did I know about it? But I didn't have a choice. You ran out on me, on Pop, on everything, left me holding the bag... and now you come back here... a cop. What, is that a coincidence?"

"No, I requested that unit," Joey replies. "Because I wanted my brother back."

Doug shakes his head. "You know, I waited so long for that knock on the door... that knock that would say that my brother was back. I spent so long imagining how long the speech would have to be, the exact combination of words I'd need to hear so that I'd forgive you. Then I stopped waiting for that knock... and I realised there was no combination, nothing you could say, that would make me forgive you. Got so I didn't even want to hear that knock anymore." 

Judy raises her hand to her lips, realises that it's shaking and she's very glad that the wall is hiding her from Doug and Joey because it might very well be the only thing that's holding her up. In all the years she's known Doug, she's never heard him sound like that. 

"You can go now."

Doug grabs Joey by the shoulders, wrenches open the front door and throws Joey out. Joey turns to him, and from where she's standing, Judy can see him, all wide eyes and wild hair and desperation. 

"Doug, if I don't have you, I've got nothing."

Doug's shoulders are straight, his voice steely when he replies, "You got no brother."

The door slams with Joey on the other side of it and Doug stands there for a long moment before he turns. Judy doesn't move, but she hears his voice. "I know you're there." Most of the anger is gone but he still sounds mad. "Just... just don't, ok?"

He goes up the stairs, slams the bedroom door behind him and God forgive her, Judy stays where she is. 

*

When Joey volunteers to go undercover with the Heaven's Family cult, Judy gets a bad feeling about it in the pit of her stomach. When Joey leaves the house in the town with the rest of them, heads off into the boonies for some retreat without knowing where he's going, the bad feeling intensifies. When they learn that Morgan had filed a bogus report with a different precinct, when he tells them that Heaven's Family prey on vulnerable youngsters who feel rejected by their families, give them the love they felt they'd been missing, the dread explodes. 

She's already moving for the door when Fuller says that they need to get Joey out of there and she just about manages to hear Doug insisting, "I'm going too." He's got the truck ready by the time she's printed out the address and directions and it's a long drive, just the two of them, in silence. That, more than anything else, makes her nervous because Doug is not a quiet individual and any time they've been on long drives like this, the air has been filled with chatter and laughter. 

Not now though. 

Their worst fears come to pass when two heavies and guy with a too-smooth line in patter meet them, telling them that no-one there answers to the name of Joey Penhall. Doug's ready to explode - Judy doesn't need to be in love with him to know that - and she's got a feeling that she's going to have to stop Doug pulling all twenty acres apart with his bare hands. Then Joey appears, and there's no denying it any more - he's completely brainwashed. He's changed his name to Abel, he's refusing to come with them and Heaven's Family are his new family. 

Doug tries to grab him; the heavies pull him off and Too-Smooth threatens them with the fact that kidnapping is  a felony. Which is when Judy decides that the better part of valour is discretion and pushes Doug into the truck. It's a long ride back to the Chapel, one where the silence weighs even heavier than before and by the time they're sitting around a table in the Chapel, when they more or less decide that they're going to kidnap Joey, Judy's willing to do anything to make this better. 

When they kidnap Joey, she's the driver and she watches as McCann and Doug manhandle Joey, tries to ignore the wide-eyes of the dark haired girl who comes running over. Joey struggles the whole way back to the interrogation room, only stops when they have him handcuffed to the radiator. They stand back, waiting in case he tries to bolt but he just sits there and Doug asks her and Mac to go next door, get him a cheeseburger. They leave but when Judy tries to go with him, McCann puts a hand on her shoulder. "Yeah," he scoffs. "Like I really think you want to go with me."

For a guy who's barely been her partner a wet day, he knows her well and for once today, she manages a smile. 

The smile doesn't last too long, not when she sees Doug literally break a chair against the wall in frustration, when McCann has to basically pull him away from Joey. Doug spends most of the next few days with Joey, Judy spends her time either staring at the two way mirror in the room, looking at the man she loves going through hell, or she lets McCann pull her away, feed her, play go fish with her and sometimes even let her win. 

And then it happens. The breakthrough. 

It comes when they least expect it, when Doug is trying to force feed Joey a cheeseburger, when he tells a story about their mom being the only thing that stopped Joey starving himself before the age of three. Doug sighs, sinks down beside Joey, back to the radiator and begins to talk. "One morning just before Pop died... he calls me over to the bed, tells me he loves me." There's the barest beat of a pause, a hint of a smile. "Scares the hell outta me. Pop, using the L word. Then he calls me over closer... says, "Where's Joey?" "I don't know, Pop." There's a long silence. Just sitting there, just him and me." Another pause. "'You tell Joey, no matter where he is, i love him." Those were his last words."

In the interrogation room, Judy wipes away a tear. She's never heard Doug talk like that before, never heard him tell that story and whatever effect it's having on her, it's doing more than that on Joey. Doug's not looking at his brother and she's mainly looking at him, but in the corner of her vision she can see him react. 

"It's kinda weird," Doug continues quietly. "I mean, I've been avoiding it all these years but deep down, I kinda feel the same way. I mean, I lost my brother once...I don't want to lose him again." A beat. "I need my brother."

There's a long silence, then Joey speaks. "What was Ma like?" 

Doug turns to him, amazed. "She was the best," he says and he's told Judy about his mom in the past; she knows that's what he thinks. 

"I can hardly remember her." Joey's voice is very small. 

"It's ok... you were only four when she died."

"You bury Pop next to her?"

"Yeah."

"Can we go see them sometime?"

"Whenever you like, Joey."

When Joey reaches out, takes the cheeseburger and eats it, Judy takes that as her cue to leave. She wipes her eyes before she gets to her desk but when McCann greets her with a box of tissues, she knows that she's rumbled. "How's it going there?" he asks as she dabs at her eyes. She manages to give him a small smile. 

"I think we're gonna be ok."

*

When Doug arrives home that night, he's not alone. Joey's with him, looking distinctly sheepish. "He, ah... he said it would be ok if I came."

It takes no work at all for Judy to smile at the two brothers. "I stopped by the store on the way home... have three steaks ready to go." 

Joey blinks twice, like he can't believe it's that easy. Doug only blinks once, his lips then turning up in a grateful smile. "See, what'd I tell you?" he asks. "She works all day, cooks dinner for me... I think I'll keep her."

Judy narrows her eyes, sends a glare his way. "Just for that, you're on clean-up duty." A beat. "For the next week." Doug rolls his eyes, making Joey snicker, and Judy directs her next comments at him. "I changed the sheets in the spare room," she says. "There's fresh towels on the bed... and I'm sure Doug can lend you something to change into if you want to put those clothes in the laundry."

Joey snickers again. "You expect me to fit into his clothes, that'd better be some kinda steak."

Doug's eyes widen as he claps his hands to his chest, all wounded innocence and Judy feels a wide smile spread across her face. "You haven't tasted my cooking," she responds and Doug's hand rests on his brother's shoulder. 

"Don't worry, we have 911 on speed dial."

Another glare from Judy heads his way. "Go show  your brother where to wash up," is all she says, turning back towards the refrigerator. She hears footsteps heading out of the room and up the stairs, shakes her head and smiles as she starts preparing dinner. She's so caught up in it that she doesn't hear footsteps coming back down the stairs and she jumps when Doug's arms snake around her waist. "Doug!" she says and he silences her by dropping a kiss to her cheek. 

"I'm sorry," he says. Then, after a beat, "And I'm not just talking about scaring you just now."

Judy smiles, relaxes her body against his. "It's ok," she says and he shakes his head. 

"No, it's not." He turns her to face him, pulls her as close to him as humanly possible and kisses her, gently at first, then more thoroughly. It's the kind of kiss they haven't shared since Joey came back and Judy can hardly believe how much she's missed it, missed him. When he pulls back, he rests his forehead against hers. "It's not ok. And I am sorry."

Judy wraps her arms around his waist. "I forgive you," she says. "But don't think that's going to get you out of clean up duty." The joke brings a smile to Doug's lips, better yet to his eyes and Judy finds herself glancing to the door and the stairs beyond. "You think he's gonna be ok?"

Doug's jaw sets firm. "I'll make sure of it."

"No." He blinks at Judy's words, then smiles when she continues, "We will." 


	11. Number One with a Bullet

"Jude... you know you don't have to be here, right?" 

Mac speaks quietly, lest they be overheard and Judy has to swallow hard against the sudden lump in her throat. She'd really been hoping he wouldn't say anything, that he'd let their undercover personas shine through, let her get on with the job. Not that she'd held out much hope of that, knowing Mac as she did, and she forces a smile to her lips. "I know, Mac."

She looks back down at the playlist she's been studying, gritting her teeth when Mac takes a step closer to her. "I'm just saying... when Doug wakes up..."

There's a part of her that's grateful he said when and not if. There's a larger part of her though that knows if she starts to think about Doug, if she gets too much sympathy from Mac, she's going to fall apart, and if that happens, she's not sure she'll be able to put herself back together again. 

"I need to be here, Mac... I need to be doing something," she tells him, only looking at him briefly, because the worry in his eyes - for both her and Doug - threatens to do her in entirely. "Joey's at the hospital..." Which is something, even if she knows that her future brother-in-law doesn't quite understand on an emotional level why she's not sitting with him, he certainly understands it from a cop point of view. 

"Doug'd want you to bring them down," he'd told her last night, and she'd promised him they would. 

Out of the corner of her eye she sees Mac nod. "I can get that," he says simply. Then, after a pause, "Anything you need... You know that, right?"

Judy gives him a brief, tight smile. "Yeah, Mac... I know."

And she does. Mac is a great guy, a great partner, and she knows there's nothing he wouldn't do for her and Doug, especially now.  But when Doug is lying in a coma in a hospital bed, there's nothing he can do, nothing that Judy can do, only wait and hope and try not to fall apart in front of everyone.  

So that's what she does. She does her job, appearing at the radio station every day, going into Doug's hospital room every evening. Joey makes himself scarce, partly to go home to shower and change, partly to give her some time alone with Doug. She sits beside him, holds his hand, talks to him, sometimes about the case, sometimes about memories, and sometimes she just flat out tellS him that he'd better not die on her or she'll kill him. 

She sleeps in their spare room when he's in hospital because she can't sleep in their bed without him. 

The day she walks into his room and sees him awake and smiling at her is the best day of her life. 

It's also the day she bursts into tears in front of Mac, who drove her there, and Joey, who was already there. They disappear quickly, leaving her and Doug alone and she thinks that she'll be grateful for that when she stops being so embarrassed, or even when she stops crying.  

That happens when she's lying on the bed with Doug, his arms around her, her head on his chest, his fingers playing with her hair. "I really hate you for scaring me like that," she tells him. "I hate you."

A soft chuckle moves strands of her hair. "I know," he says and she can hear him smile when he says it. "I hate you too."

There's a pause then, one where she closes her eyes and listen to his heart beat and thinks about how lucky they are. She's halfway to falling asleep on him when he speaks again. 

 "So, I was thinking... In between my crazy dreams..." he says and she glances up with a grin. 

"You're going to have to tell me about them, you know."

She's teasing but he's quietly serious. "I was thinking we could get married." 

Judy blinks, not quite sure what he means. 

"I mean, I know we're engaged and we've been planning... But there's a chaplain here somewhere. Two witnesses outside the door." One shoulder raises in a shrug as her eyes grow wide. "Don't get me wrong, you want the full big white little girl's dream, I can wait, but..."

"I can't." The words are out before she has time to think but she means them. 

He smiles, the kind of smile she's missed more than she ever knew, the kind of smile she's been dreaming of for the last few days.  "Yeah?"

She grins right back. "Yeah."

Mac finds the chaplain, Joey scams some flowers from the receptionist so she can have a bouquet and they don't even have wedding rings, but Judy doesn't care and she knows Doug doesn't either. 

She doesn't care about being a bride. Just about being his wife.  


	12. Happily Ever After

"Captain Penhall?" 

Officer Jake McCarthy, brand new Jump Street recruit appears at the Captain's door, file in hand. He looks nervous, this being his first closed case and all and there's actually a tremor in his hand as he holds up the sheaf of papers. "I have that report for you." 

"Thanks, Jake. That was a good job you did there."

The look of relief on the young man's face is almost comical. "Thank you, Captain." He pauses, shifts on his feet. "It was harder than I thought it would be."

"Of course it was." If Jake is surprised by his captain's  words, he doesn't show it, just looks curious. "High school was the worst time of most people's lives, we're going back there. Voluntarily. It's never easy." There's a picture on the wall of the first Jump Street team, all of them looking so young, so excited about the adventures that lie ahead of them; in reality, they'd had no clue what they were getting themselves into. "Trust me on that."

Jake opens his mouth to reply but whatever he was going to say is cut off as a five year old hurricane bursts through the door, hurling himself behind the table.

"Momma, momma, momma!"

Judy laughs as she reaches down to pull him onto her knee and give him a hug all in one well practised movement as she hears Doug's voice following Ricky through the Chapel. "Hey, you little four footer, get back here, there are people with guns!" When he appears at her door though, he looks as far from flustered as it's possible to be, until he sees Jake standing there. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt..."

"It's fine." Judy kisses Ricky on the cheek before sliding him down to the ground. "Doug, this is Jake McCarthy, our newest member here... Jake, this is my husband Doug. And this..." She grins down because Ricky is pulling at her jacket so as not to be forgotten, "is Ricky."

"We're going out for pizza," Doug explains as Ricky begins to try to pull Judy towards the door. "He's a little overexcited." He grabs Ricky's jumper, stills the boy's movement and lifts him up onto his shoulder. 

"Like father, like son..." Judy's aside is quiet enough to be an aside, loud enough for everyone to hear and Doug makes a face at her, even if she knows him well enough to see the twinkle in his eye. 

"I won't keep you." Jake seems to decide that discretion is the better part of valour and beats a hasty retreat. Doug's eyes follow him out the door and when he looks at Judy again, he is shaking his head. 

"Were we ever that young?" he wonders and Judy chuckles. 

"Younger," she decides, lifting Jake's report and considering bringing it home before putting it back down on her desk. It would still be there in the morning. "You remember when we first met?"

Doug lifts one eyebrow. "You were this skinny little girl telling me how you were a cop..."

"And I didn't even like you." Her eyes travel to the desk, seeing the ghost of man sitting in the chair that's now hers, the one that still feels too big some days. "Jenko was behind the desk, grinning like an idiot and I was thinking how in the world was I going to work with you..."

"I was thinking how cute you were." She turns a disbelieving look on him and he shrugs. "What? I was a kid of barely twenty and you were - and still are, by the way - a good looking woman." Just then, Ricky wriggles, his heel finding Doug's shoulders and Doug winces. "Like mother, like son..."

"We've come a long way," Judy smiles, remembering a conversation Doug hadn't been privy to, a conversation where he'd predicted that she and Doug would end up being friends. She thinks of that every so often, pictures Jenko somewhere saying, "I told you so." Rising up on her toes, she gives Doug a quick kiss.  "Where are the girls?"

Doug's eyes close as if in pain. "I left them in the car, disagreeing over which variety of bubblegum pop they're going to subject us to on the drive. I figured it's a police station, no-one's gonna rob a car with a thirteen and eleven year old arguing in the back seat... and if they did, they'd bring them back."

Judy chuckles at that; Doug's ongoing struggles with being the father of daughters was a constant source of amusement to her. Her third pregnancy had been a surprise - she and Doug had both agreed they were  content with the two girls until the stomach flu she'd though she had turned out to be something else entirely. Doug had spent much of the nine months secretly (or not so secretly where she was concerned) hoping for a boy to balance the numbers a little, while at the same time telling everyone who'd listen to him that he didn't really have any preference. 

"I'll be the bad guy and insist on silence," she suggests and the look of relief on his face makes her laugh again. 

"I love you," he tells her, leaning in to bring his lips to hers. 

"I love you too," she replies, grabbing her coat from the coat stand. "Come on... Let's go see how much they're not talking to one another."

Hand in hand they make their way out to the car, closing the door behind them. 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Artwork for Small Fandoms Big Bang 'Life With You' by helsinkibaby](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3765586) by [danceswithgary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/danceswithgary/pseuds/danceswithgary)




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